Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in GypsyChick's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
8:22 pm	the new philosophy I have to think about myself now. No one cares about this mess I call me, except me. No one takes care of me, except me. I have to fix my own shit. No one does it for me. It took losing some really valuable gems of my own to realize it. Better late than never, I suppose. Been repeating this in my head all day: "I am vulnerable. I am strong. I can be vulnerable because I am strong." Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Bela Fleck (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 9th, 2005
9:51 pm	For once in my life.... I am speechless. Normally, I can find words or humor for any situation. But today, I was given not 1, but 2 gifts that absolutely took my breath away. The first was a message from my best friend. I dont even have the words to respond to it without getting teary eyed. He is one of the only people in the world that i would lay down my life for without having to think twice about it. And even that sacrifice could not pay him back for all the love he has shown me so far. My heart aches everytime i think about what my life would be like without him. And the tears sometimes come when i think about how much time was wasted before we found each other. I love you too, J. And no matter what, we'll always have each other. Unconditionally. The second was a gift of time. Time with a friend that I always feel lucky to be in the presence of. He makes me feel like an equal and not an elderly pretender. Makes me feel loved and beautiful, just by the wink of his eye while we talk. He has stolen a piece of my heart, from the second we first spoke to each other. Thank you E. I had such a wonderful evening. It's nice to be able to talk to someone and not have to worry about how i phrase my thoughts. You always seem to get me. And I know that what we say is ours alone. And for that, I am ever grateful. I am truly the luckiest girl in the world today. I am smiling through tears as i type this, just trying to figure out what i have done to deserve 2 such beautiful people in my life. My heart is full, even though both of them are away from me tonight. Normally, i might be troubled or sad, wishing one or both of them were here with me. But they are. Both of them. Lovingly holding court in my heart, mind and soul. Tonight I will be alone, but definitely not lonely. All my love to you both. Current Mood: loved Current Music: Soul Coughing - Super Bon Bon (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
8:27 pm	Somehow Fitting.... I know I’ve been mistaken But just give me a break And see the changes that I’ve made I’ve got some imperfections But how can you collect them all And throw them in my face But you always find a way To keep me right here waiting You always find the words to say To keep me right here waiting If you chose to walk away I’d still be right here waiting Searching for the things to say To keep you right here waiting I hope you’re not intending To be so condescending It’s as much as I can take And you’re so independent You just refuse to bend So I keep bending till I break But you always find a way To keep me right here waiting You always find the words to say To keep me right here waiting If you chose to walk away I’d still be right here waiting Searching for the things to say To keep you right here waiting I’ve made a commitment I’m willing to bleed for you I needed fulfillment I found what I need in you Can’t you just forgive me I don’t want to relive all the mistakes I’ve made along the way But I always find a way To keep you right here waiting I always find the words to say To keep you right here waiting But you always find a way To keep me right here waiting We always find the words to say To keep me right here waiting If I chose to walk away Would you be right here waiting Searching for the things to say To keep me right here waiting Right Here - Staind Current Mood: hot Current Music: Staind (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
9:52 am	Coming To You Live From Reading, Pennsylvania.... Okay, this trip is almost over. I am confused, exhausted, and i don't know where my mind will take me once i get on that plane back to SC today. A huge chunk of my heart will be staying here. Last night, while holding my 5 year old neice in my arms and trying to get her to go to sleep, she tangled herself around my body, squeezed as hard as she could and whispered in my ear "I am never going to let you go". UGH....okay, so i cried. I'm a wuss, what can i say. A sap, a bleeding heart...whatever you wanna call it. I was a mess and yet found it somewhat symbolic of the struggle going on in my heart this weekend. But this morning, I watched the bravest little girl in the world stand at the bus stop amid a swirl of excited children where no one spoke to her or played with her. She hugged and kissed me and then she got on the bus and sat alone. And she sat up proud in that seat, showing me that she was a big girl and waved goodbye to me. I think I am modeling myself after Alyssa starting today. That girl is a fucking soldier. I hope i can live up to what she sees in me. Right now, i am low on battery power, i have to pack, and i am out of words. Be home soon All My Love Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: 102.1 - Philadelphia radio station (Comment on this)
Monday, September 19th, 2005
5:15 pm	Saturday, September 17 - Gilbertsville, PA My mother says that I need love in my life. She thinks that I need to move back home to be near the people that love me, and that any problems I have are due to a lack of emotional security and a healthy relationship in my life. LMAO After hearing this, I just looked at my mother and smiled. The cynical bitchy part of me wanted to say something like “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about because you have no idea who I am, how far I have come, or who I have become in the past few years”. But I didn’t. She’s my mother. And even though I want to shake the shit out of her at times, and tell her all about the things that she may be lacking….i don’t. Because ultimately, I love her with all my heart and respect her as the matriarch of our family. But honestly….the woman has no idea about what I need in my life. She hasn’t been around to see the life I have made for myself as an adult in my new home. Hasn’t witnessed my taking care of myself for the first time ever, with no safety net of family, abusive husband, or money. And to say that I have no love in my life. She couldn’t be more wrong. I currently have friends in my life, albeit a small handful, that have given me more love in the recent past than I ever could have hoped for. You all know who you are. You’re probably the only ones reading this. Now someone call my mother and tell her how dead ass wrong she is, please? A friend of mine had the perfect quote for me as I was preparing for this trip. He said “Remember, MOTHER is only half a word”. Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: Rascal Flats (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 18th, 2005
12:27 am	Friday September 16th - Charlotte Airport - 7:26am Crawled onto my flight at 515am. My head pounding. My eyes burning from lack of sleep. The Dash 3-800 that flew me here to charlotte nc was small, loud and obnoxious, but almost completely empty. Same goes for the flight attendant. On all counts. She stared vacant eyed at her passengers and recited her slam of rules and regs, not really seeing us as people, I felt…but as cargo. Waiting for the flight to be over so she could rush us out and head on to the next city, the next recitation, the next jet fueled drama. I am on my way home. The other one. The old one. The home of my childhood. And when I get there I will expect to see the same faces, the same dirty places and the same empty gazes that I left behind a little over 3 years ago. The unenlightened, stagnant attitudes that will never leave that poor dirt town. It’s a shame. I don’t know how I spent as much time there as I did. 3 decades nearly did me in. And to think that I have friends there that were born, will live, and have no plans other than to die within the same 5 mile radius. To me, that was unacceptable. And it’s a trip like this one that makes me so glad that I made the decision to see what else was out there. I don’t often feel proud of myself or pat myself on the back. But this time, this one decision makes me say “Fuck Yeah I did the right thing!” It was the first decision I ever made that was all about me. A selfish one. And I didn’t care. I strapped on a pair and got out. Not for lack of love toward my family, or loyalty to my friends. I stepped outside and just felt like I knew better than to stay there. Like a hurricane victim…and boredom and repetition were my gale force winds. I knew that if I didn’t leave, I would be stuck there. Forever. With no hope of building anything worth justifying. And don’t get me wrong. Its not like I believe that Greenville, SC is the big time city. It’s no Vegas or ATL. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But it is one thing, if nothing else. It’s the place I found my identity. My own sense of self worth. Or at least I am starting to anyway. I am an ever evolving lifeform. I have friends there. Good ones. And I plan to keep it that way. So lets get this fucking show on the road so I can get this weekend over with and get back to my REAL home. More later…..you can bet on it…. Current Mood: drained Current Music: Sugarland - Baby Girl (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 10th, 2005
7:38 pm	The "Back For More" Tour I initially set this journal up about 4 years ago. I used it for awhile, and then just plain forgot about it. I recently decided to come back to it after being inspired by a friend. I've kept a journal of some sort since i was a teenager. I guess this is the next logical step up from paper and pen. Although I will probably always continue to use that method in some form. Its something i'm not willing to give up completely to the computer age just yet. So, I had a few entries in this thing from 2001. I suppose a more sentimental person would have kept those entries in here and just updated and went on with their writing. However, I could not leave them here. They were paragraphs attached to people, places and things that i have worked entirely too hard to forget, and frankly i'd like to stay as far away from them as possible. That was another life in another world as far as i am concerned. So good riddance, i say! So i'd like to welcome you and bid you Love and peace. And now.... on with the show. Current Mood: okay Current Music: The bubbly music from my fish tank (Comment on this)